hay.. waLa Lang.. it's been a sad day.. everything started 0ut fine.. it just didn't end that way.. it's been such a L0ng and tiring day.. nagtest kami sa discrete math.. maj0ring.. it was just fine.. but i'm n0t that c0nfident ab0ut passing it.. but h0w i wish i w0uLd.. i didn't even pass even 0ne quiz in that subject.. but they were cL0se en0ugh t0 the passing grade.. if i have t0 g0 t0 quiap0 t0 pray n0vena just t0 pass the subject i w0uLd!! this is a matter 0f Life and death!! ~sigh~ weLL en0ugh ab0ut that.. that didn't make me feeL that sad anyway.. there's s0mething m0re that b0thers me.. hmmmm.. h0w d0 i start this ba? i dunn0.. weLL my finaLs was fr0m 10am-12pm.. after that my friends and i went 0ut f0r Lunch.. after Lunch 0ur 0ther friends went 0n their next test whiLe the rest 0f us pr0ceeded t0 the Library t0 get s0me sampLes 0f the previ0us finaLs exams.. we finished by 2:30pm.. i then invited s0me 0f my friends t0 g0 t0 e-f0rum and have 0ur sessi0n 0f d0ta (warcraft-pc game).. the pc sh0p was L0aded.. it was fuLL 0f students which i suspect were cutting cLasses.. camiLLe and i each g0t a c0mputer by 3pm.. my bf texted me and asked where i was bec0z it's aLready dismissaL.. i texted him that i was at a pc sh0p pLaying d0ta.. he didn't pr0test.. he just t0Ld me n0t t0 g0 h0me Late.. h0urs passed.. then by 4pm 0r maybe 5pm my bf texted me where i was.. i texted back that i was stiLL at the pc sh0p.. he t0Ld me that it was getting Late and it seems that it was g0nna rain.. i t0Ld him that it was 0k bec0z i br0ught my umbreLLa.. and then t0 my sh0ck.. didn't text back anym0re.. i kept 0n texting him yet he w0n't repLy.. ~sigh~ up t0 n0w i stiLL didn't kn0w if he texted me yet.. my f0ne's upstairs and i haven't checked it yet.. h0w i wish he texted me na.. ~sigh~ kung gust0 nia k0 patigiLin sa pagLaLar0 ng d0ta 0r gb aus Lang.. basta wag na cya magaLit at kausapin na niya k0.. i feeL reaLLy bad.. =(

Wwwaaaaaahhhhhh!! 0ur first year days are finaLLy 0ver.. i stiLL can’t beLieve it.. we’re 0nt0 0ur sec0nd year.. wwwaaaaahhhhhh!! Life’s pretty fast.. i didn’t see it c0ming.. it’s such a big reLief that i passed first year with0ut any faiLing mark.. i’m speechLess.. my g0sh.. hehe.. weLL here’s a preview 0f my grades t0 give y0u a better view 0f my first year Life at Mapua:

FIRST TERM:

CHEMISTRY1 LABORATORY= 2.00
CHEMISTRY1 LECTURE= 2.25
ENGLISH1= 1.75
MATH1 (ALGEBRA & TRIGONOMETRY)= 1.25
NTSP1= 1.00
PE1= 1.50

QUARTER WTD. AVERAGE= 1.69

SECOND TERM:

CHEMISTRY2 LABORATORY= 2.75
CHEMISTRY2 LECTURE= 3.00
DRAWING1= 2.25
ENGLISH2= 2.00
MATH2 (PLANE AND ANALYTICAL GEOMETRY)= 2.00
NSTP2= 2.00
PE2= 1.50

QUARTER WTD. AVERAGE= 2.33

THIRD TERM:

COMPUTER FUNDAMENTALS= 2.50
ENGLISH3= 3.00
MATH3 (CALCULUS)= 2.75
NSTP3= 1.00
PE3= 1.25
PHYSICS1 LABORATORY= 2.25
PHYSICS1 LABORATORY= 2.25

QUARTER WTD. AVERAGE= 2.65

FOURTH TERM:

DRAWING2= 1.75
MATHLAB= 2.00
MATH4 (INTEGRAL CALCULUS)= 2.75
NSTP4= 2.50
PE4= 1.50
PHYSICS2 LABORATORY= 2.00
PHYSICS2 LECTURE= 2.75
RIZAL= 1.75

QUARTER WTD. AVERAGE= 2.33

weLL th0se are my grades f0r the previ0us year.. hehe.. i sh0uLd be ashamed 0f th0se kind 0f grades.. but the truth is that i’m reaLLy pr0ud 0f th0se marks that I achieved.. i kn0w that if y0u were in my pLace y0u w0uLdn’t be satisfied with my marks.. but Life in mapua is n0t that easy.. it really requires a L0t 0f eff0rt t0 achieve a grade deserving f0r y0u.. but there are times that y0u d0n’t deserve the grades y0u receive.. sometimes some pr0fess0rs aren’t fair in treatment and judgment.. hhhmmm.. i can say that i d0n’t deserve s0me 0f th0se grades that were given t0 me.. but i have n0 right t0 c0mpLain, d0 i? i aLs0 have my 0wn fauLts because f0r a fact i myseLf didn’t gave the best that i can t0 achieve g00d grades.. n0w aLL i can d0 is try t0 be m0re punctuaL and give aLL my best in aLL that i d0..

April 5, 2005.. 3:00 in the m0rning.. a mem0ry cLearLy etched in my mind.. f0r the sec0nd time.. my Labs and I had a misunderstanding.. sigh~ I feLL asLeep fast the f0LL0wing day because I g0t headache and it’s kiLLing me.. I w0ke up in the wee h0urs 0f the m0rning.. my ceLL sat beside me.. I checked it f0r any messages.. and aLL the messages where n0t that imp0rtant.. kn0wing that my Labs is n0t used t0 sLeeping earLy, I g0t my f0ne and texted him asking if he was stiLL awake.. and I was right.. gising pa nga ang L0k0.. ( sudden change 0f Language.. hehehe.. para mas feeL k0.. ) the c0nversati0n went s0mething Like this:

Labs: aba bat gcng k pa?
Ak0: nakatuL0g na k0.. naaLimpungatan Lang.. ak0 ata dpat mgtn0ng bkit gcng ka pa..
Labs: kausap k0 daryL.. hingi ng advice..
Ak0: ah.. an0ng advice? Tungk0L kay hanee?
Labs: hindi.. tungk0L sy0..
Ak0: huh? An0ng tungk0L skin?
Labs: tungk0L sa pg-eentertain m0 ng b0ys..
Ak0: ngak? At cn0 nmng ngsabi sy0 na nag-eentertain ak0 aber?
Labs: ak0..
Ak0: at pan0 m0 nman nsbi un?
Labs: my pngbgyan ka ng # m0 tas ngsesend k p ng pic..
Ak0: binigay k0 p0 ung # k0 kac frend k0 cya.. ung sa pic d k0 Lang mtandaan kng pic m0 ung cnesend k0..

bLah.. bLah.. bLah..
the c0nversati0n went s0mething Like that.. untiL it 0ccurred t0 me that it seems as if he stiLL d0ubts me.. sigh~ he even p0inted 0ut that his trust f0r me at that p0int was 8 0ut 0f 10.. I must admit that I was dumbf0unded and f0und n0 w0rds t0 say.. I was Left thinking and w0ndering again.. I expLained my side.. masakit isipin na hanggang ngay0n nagdududa pa rin siya sa nararamdaman k0.. sigh~ I t0Ld him na hindi k0 hinihinging ibigay sakin ung bu0ng tiwaLa niya.. aLam k0 naman pinagdaanan niya e.. I understand kung bakit d niya magawang ibigay un ng bu0.. pr0 sbi k0.. khit d niya maibigay sa’kin ung bu0ng tiwaLa niya isa Lang ang gust0 k0ng paniwaLaan niya.. that whiLe I’m stiLL in 0ur reLati0nship d k0 cya iiwan at mahaL na mahaL k0 siya.. sabi niya naniniwaLa nman daw siya.. inamin k0ng nasasaktan ak0 sa mga iniisip niya and thinking aL0ud I t0Ld him na kung naniniwaLa siya sa’kin stiLL why is it that it seems Like there’s a barrier that keeps him fr0m L0ving me the way I kn0w he w0uLd.. d naman sa sinasabi k0ng nakukuLangan ak0.. sa t0t0o Lang waLa ak0ng nakikitang pagkukuLang niya.. it’s just during times Like this na nakakaramdam ak0 na parang may maLi.. and I must admit na d k0 maiwasang isipin n baka nga kuLang pa ung pinapakita niya sa’kin 0r rather d pa taLaga niya binibigay ung Lahat ng kaya niyang ibigay.. sigh~ aLam k0ng maLi.. per0 d k0 maiwasang isipin un.. per0 sabi niya skin.. “sin0 ba namang hindi matatak0t na maagaw sa kaniya ung ta0ng mahaL na mahaL niya..” sigh~ d k0 aLam kung an0ng dpat mging reacti0n.. per0 s0meh0w nakaramdam ak0 ng c0ntentment.. s0meh0w napanatag ung L00b k0.. aLam k0ng d assurance ung sinabi niya but I feLt reLieved.. s0meh0w he reminded me why we ended up this way.. it’s because aLam namin at naniniwaLa kami that we b0th L0ve each 0ther.. the c0nfusi0n that went 0ver me f0r a whiLe was suddenLy swept away.. 0nce again he made me feeL the L0ve that he makes me feeL 0ver and 0ver again.. it’s hard t0 describe per0 nawaLa Lahat ng iniisip k0ng pagdududa niya.. I just ended up saying.. “ah bahaLa na.. basta ipapakita k0 na Lang sa kaniya kng gan0 k0 siya kamahaL..” and that made me cry.. in s0me way 0r an0ther.. times Like this just seems t0 strenghten us b0th.. it makes us 0pen up t0 each 0ther much m0re.. and I h0pe it w0uLd d0 us g00d..

n0w there’s a reas0n t0 wake up each day.. I thank the L0rd f0r sending y0u my way.. n0w I am wh0Le a Lucky s0uL.. I wanna thank y0u f0r L0ve.. n0 L00king back 0n the pain.. n0 m0re dark cL0uds n0 m0re rain.. thank y0u.. thank y0u f0r y0ur L0ve..

Hmmm.. I dunn0 where t0 start.. hmmm.. just Last Sunday my Labs and I celebrated 0ur third m0nthsary.. ahihihihihi.. n0thing s0 extra0rdinary.. it’s just speciaL f0r me.. sigh~ this reLati0nship is starting t0 get L0nger.. and I d0 h0pe that it is aLs0 starting t0 get str0nger.. I’m reaLLy happy and c0ntented as I say.. I f0und s0me0ne wh0 sees me in and 0ut.. s0me0ne wh0 c0mpLiments even my smaLL deeds.. it’s truLy amazing t0 be in L0ve.. and I d0 n0t deny it.. I am in L0ve.. and am p0ud t0 be.. sigh~ y0u might n0tice that aLm0st aLL 0f the entries here in my bL0g m0stLy taLk ab0ut L0ve.. hmmm.. weLL it’s just that I think L0ve keeps me g0ing and aLive.. it gives my Life c0L0r and meaning.. it aLs0 gives me never bef0re kn0wn Less0ns in Life.. sigh~ it s0unds b0ring but it’s h0w I feeL.. and it’s just great t0 feeL it that I think I w0n’t ever get tired t0 be in L0ve.. 0ftentimes when I’m hurt because 0f L0ve I teLL myseLf that I think I can never L0ve the way I did bef0re.. but I just keep ending in 0ve and eating th0se w0rds I said.. sigh~ perhaps because I’m such a h0peLess r0mantic that I faLL in L0ve easiLy.. but the hurt and the pain cann0t be c0mpared t0 that singLe great feeLing even I can’t expLain.. I just kn0w that it keeps me smiLing f0r the rest 0f the day.. that whatever the day might bring the fact that s0me0ne is there aLtr0ugh0ut keeps Life m0re brighter and meaningfuL.. sigh~ hay naku.. tama na nga.. I’m getting mushier than bef0re.. d na bagay sakin.. ahihihihihihi..

Sigh~ just Last Wednesday 0r Thursday nagkatampuhan kami ng Labs ku.. weLL it was n0t a big deaL.. uhhhmmmmm.. it was just actuaLLy aLL ab0ut his rep0nse everytime I teLL him that I L0ve him.. weLL the truth is it’s kinda cute and sweet.. that everytime he says th0se w0rds I just can’t heLp but smiLe.. everytime I teLL him that I L0ve him his resp0nse w0uLd be: “I L0ve y0u m0re..” n0w teLL me if that is n0t a g00d reas0n t0 smiLe.. weLL here’s the st0ry.. uhhhhmmmm.. that day we were saying 0ur sweet n0things (mirc..).. then I t0Ld him that I L0ve him.. his immediate repLy was “I L0ve y0u m0re..” 0f c0urse it made me smiLe.. I just sat here in fr0nt 0f the c0mputer w0ndering.. then I Laughed.. actuaLLy I heard it bef0re.. then I asked him where he g0t that kind 0f response and his answer went s0mething Like.. “imbent0 k0 Lang..”.. and 0nce again I Laughed.. n0t because I was insuLting him 0r neither because it s0unds c0rny t0 me.. I just th0ught that it was such a c0incidence.. then I t0Ld him that I heard that resp0nse bef0re.. and it was n0 0ther than my ex.. then he kept quiet.. pr0babLy thinking.. he g0t “madrama” and aLL thinking that I stiLL L0ve my ex and that he can accept the fact that I can’t L0ve him m0re than I did L0ve my ex.. I g0t dumb0unded.. n0t because I reaLized he was right (c0z he certainLy wasn’t).. but because I saw a smaLL sign 0f d0ubt.. I g0t hurt thinking that he stiLL wasn’t sure if I d0 L0ve him that much.. sigh~ s0 I t0Ld him that up t0 january my ex stiLL wanted me back.. yet I didn’t agree.. then my Labs gave me a repLy Like “naaawa ka kasi skin kaya d m0 k0 maiwan..” 0uch~ that hurt me much m0re.. it seems he stiLL d0ubts what I feeL f0r him.. sigh~ I tried t0 expLain that if I reaLLy L0ve my ex stiLL, it w0uLdn’t be that hard t0 g0 back t0 my ex and Leave him (my Labs..) f0r i didn’t promise him during th0se times that I w0uLdn’t Leave him.. during th0se times we were in a situati0n wherein we weren’t entitLed t0 d0 whatever pLeases us n0t whatever w0uLd make 0ur hearts happy.. why? Because at th0se times I was stiLL c0mmitted.. and we (ak0 tska Labs ku..) were having s0mething Like an unf0rbidden L0ve.. even bef0re I didin’t want t0 hurt him (Labs ku..).. s0 I t0Ld myseLf that whatever his decisi0n might be.. t0 stay 0r waLk away.. I’d freeLy accept it.. just f0r the s0Le fact that I d0n’t have the right t0 his em0ti0ns.. aLL th0se mem0ries fLashed in my mem0ry.. pain etched in my heart.. s0 I t0Ld him that I think we better taLk ab0ut it s0me 0ther time.. and I Left.. I ended up thinking and w0ndering whether he was right 0r n0t.. as I was L0st in th0ught, he ap0L0gized (ngpm cya sa ym k0..).. saying s0rry and that he didn’t mean t0 hurt me.. I t0Ld him t0 just understand me c0z I was again being sensitive.. I t0Ld him that I was hurt because it seemed as if he stiLL d0ubts my feeLings and that he thinks I stiLL L0ve my ex.. then he t0Ld me that he didn’t mean that and he just wanted t0 hear fr0m me that I d0 L0ve him m0re than I did L0ved my ex.. then I t0Ld him.. “if I d0n’t L0ve y0u that much.. what eLse w0uLd give me the c0urage t0 Leave him and be with y0u.. what eLse w0uLd give me the strength t0 face every0ne even his friends kn0wing that they think I cheated their friend.. why w0uLd I Leave my ex if I stiLL L0ve him and ch00se y0u if I d0n’t L0ve y0u..”.. em0ti0ns kept running inside me.. and that was aLL I t0Ld him.. I didn’t even g0t the c0urage t0 teLL him what he wanted t0 hear.. but the truth is my heart wanted t0 sh0ut.. it wanted t0 teLL him that I L0ve him m0re than I did L0ved my ex.. sigh~ I was Left with the th0ught that maybe I didn’t sh0w him that I L0ve him en0ugh that it seems he d0esn’t feeL it.. but I saw the em0ti0ns in him.. it seems that he’s just craving t0 be t0Ld h0w much he’s w0rth and L0ved.. and that siLenced my heart.. n0w my heart teLLs me.. give him aLL the L0ve y0u c0uLd give.. s0 he w0uLdn’t feeL he isn’t L0ved the way he sh0uLd be L0ved..

I L0ve y0u Labs.. y0u just d0n’t kn0w h0w much.. but I d0 L0ve y0u m0re than y0u think I d0..

during the past days i've heard s0me news b0ut my ex.. and i w0uLd just Like t0 share this with y0u.. uhhhmmm.. i d0nt kn0w where t0 start.. weLL.. we br0ke up just Last december.. and bef0re we separated ways he c0uLdn't accept my reas0n f0r Leaving him.. it's just that i w0ke up finaLLy that im tired 0f L0ving him.. hhhmmm.. it's just n0w that i f0und 0ut he stiLL isn't 0ver me yet.. he stiLL uses my initiaLs in his friendster acc0unt.. there's even a picture with a caption that says "L0ve k0 jea.. mwaaaaah!!".. hay.. i d0n't kn0w what's g0ing 0n his mind.. s0meh0w the th0ught that he's reaLLy never g0nna give me up c0mes int0 my mind.. sigh~ and here's 0ne m0re thing.. just yesterday when i taLked t0 my friend.. se t0Ld me that he (my ex) had p0sted a buLLetin entry that he misses his "sweet".. who eLse? weLL it's just me.. hay.. and s0mething that says that he h0pes n0t t0 kn0w 0r t0 hear that i've g0t s0me0ne new.. weLL that's pretty hard t0 d0.. f0r the fact na LegaL n kmi ng present bf k0 and that he's free t0 visit me here anytime.. there's a big p0ssibiLity that we'LL cr0ss paths.. hay.. and his friends have seen my present bf s0 f0r sure they'LL teLL him.. weLL past is past.. i just d0n't kn0w h0w he's deaLing with it.. the Last time that we taLked he f0rgave me.. and the 0ther 0ne was when he hated me yet thanked me c0z i Let him g0.. finaLLy dw maaay0s n niya buhay nia.. weLL i h0pe s0.. i just want him happy c0z he deserves it.. c0z me.. im happy and c0ntented.. and i'LL never get tired 0f Letting the w0rLd kn0w that fact.. and 0f c0urse.. i wanna thank him.. if n0t f0r him i w0uLdn't have this kind 0f c0urage.. he taught me a L0t 0f things b0ut L0ve.. i h0pe i did the same thing t0 him.. i L0ved him bef0re.. but n0w i L0ve my Labs even m0re.. ahihihihi.. cge n nga tiLL here n Lang.. next time n Lang uLI..

sigh~ it's been a m0nth since i Last created an entry in this bL0g.. hihihihi.. but i visit it everytime i surf the net.. hmmm.. it's just that i can't find the right w0rds t0 express what's been happening t0 me during the past m0nth.. hehe.. weLL everything's g0ing fine.. hmmm.. tp0s n third term nmin sa mapua.. and g0sh i was s0 gLad!! pasad0 Lahat ng subjects k0!! nyahahahahahahahaha! i'm s0 pr0ud!! pasad0 caLcuLus k0!! nyahahahahahahahahaha!! cgur0 sa iba d big deaL un.. pr0 smin.. mga mapuans.. big deaL un!! nyahahahahahahahaha! u might think im crazy.. but im just pr0ud.. t0 think that we t00k up differential and integraL caLcuLus f0r 0nLy 3m0s..Ü hay.. such a reLief.. finaLLy the dreadfuL m0nths are 0ver.. n0w we're ready f0r the next quarter.. weLL that's aLL ab0ut skuL.. b0ut nman sa L0ve Life k0.. weLL bL00ming naman cya.. hehe.. me and my Labs are d0ing weLL.. s0 far we haven't enc0untered any arguments.. we 0nLy enc0unter misunderstandings s0metimes.. but i can say that i'm reaLLy happy and c0ntented.. (ewan k0 Lang cya.. hehe.. j0ke Lang Labs..Ü) hay.. that's aLL muna f0r n0w.. sa susun0d n uLit..Ü

sigh~ this past few days had been the best days 0f my Life.. d k0 na aLam kung an0ng dapat maramdaman.. bkit nga ba? actuaLLy mababaw Lang.. "LEGAL NA KAMI NG LABS KO..Ü" hehe.. t0 s0me 0f you.. y0u might think that this is actuaLLy a smaLL reas0n t0 b happy.. but f0r th0se wh0 kn0ws what i g0t thr0ugh 0r understands my situati0n.. they w0uLd probabLy be happy.. especiaLLy f0r th0se with strict parents.. nyahahahahahahaha! ung mga tip0ng gust0 niLang mgkabf ka pg graduate ka na! gurang ka na! nyahahahahahahaha! dati gnun din parents k0.. pahirapan tLaga.. hehe.. kaya nga s0brang happy k0 ngaun!! sa wakas LegaL n k0!! waLa na probLema.. d na Laging tak0t.. they gave me the chance t0 pr0ve myseLf w0rthy 0f their trust.. and h0pefuLLy i w0uLd d0 s0.. hay.. hirap sa skuL ngaun.. grabe.. kakabaLiw taLaga caLcuLus!! d k0 na ata kaya!! wwwwwwwaaaaaaaaahhhhh! sana Lang maawa skin pr0f k0.. huhuhu.. per0 back t0 my subject.. hay.. waLa Lang.. im just pr0ud 0f my Labs.. very pr0ud.. he had the c0urage t0 face my parents kahit na d prepared.. per0 kahit na.. aLam k0 taLaga he's reaLLy w0rth t0 be pr0ud 0f.. hehe.. im s0 pr0ud taLaga.. hay.. waLa Lang.. cge na nga next tym na Lang uLi.. I LOVE MY LABS!! LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!

waaaaaaah!! kahap0n gaLing ak0 sa bahay ng Labs k0.. astig nga e.. ak0 pa nag-aya.. hehe.. tapang k0 nga daw sbi ni Labs.. hehe.. waLa Lang.. ni hindi nga k0 kinabahan habang papunta kami sa kaniLa e.. per0 pagdating k0 s0bra tahimik k0.. wahahahahha! namumuLa nga daw ak0 pagpas0k ng bahay niLa e.. hihihi.. hiya ak0 e.. andun mami, dadi, ate tska kuya nia.. waaaaaaaahhhhhh!! tap0s bukas siya naman pupunta sa bahay namin! waaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh!! ngaun ak0 kinakabahan.. first k0 magpapakiLaLa ng bf sa bahay e.. and t0 think n they're stiLL against the reLationship.. hay.. i just pray that it w0uLd aLL turn 0ut fine.. hay.. i have t0 pr0ve t0 them that it w0nt be a hinder in my studies.. hay.. h0w i reaLLy wish that everything w0uLd turn 0ut great..

hay.. waLa Lang.. d0nt kn0w h0w t0 start this bL0g.. but 0ne thing's f0r sure.. uhhmmm.. i'm happy.. aLam na ng parents k0 na may bf na k0.. i kn0w they're stiLL against the idea.. but at Least i'm hiding n0thing anym0re.. ang gaan ng fiLing.. and an0ther thing.. just Last tuesday nagkatampuhan kami ng mga tr0pa ko sa skuL.. hmmm.. s0mething pretty big f0r us.. but i'm gLad it's finaLLy 0ver.. we're trying t0 patch things up n0w.. we're starting t0 act the same.. it might n0t be that easy t0 f0rget what happened.. per0 tuLad ng sabi ng isa k0ng tropa.. d isang exc0nde 0r caLcuLus Lang ang sisira sa samahan ng ece1_b13.. hehe.. we've been t0gether f0r three c0nsecutive terms.. hay.. i'd be s0 sad kung nangyari mang nasira ung tr0pa namin just bec0z 0f a simpLe misunderstanding.. tsktsktsk.. n0w we're making sure that ece1_b13 is g0nna stand up tiLL the end.. waLang iwanan..